So LA didn’t suck. Not at all. I had a blast and it worked out perfectly. I saw almost everyone I wanted to see and had more fun than I ever expected. I still don’t miss LA but I do miss some of the people.
Adjusting back to school life has been odd to say the least. This year is entirely different from last year. There was a more cohesive group last year. I feel like I’m disconnected from everyone I was connected with last year. For awhile, I thought this is the way everyone felt. Now, I’m beginning to believe it may be isolated to me. I’m completely okay with it, to an extent. I’ve been a bit of a hermit and have had a lot going on, but I feel a little like I’ve been cast aside. I know I need to make an effort when I want to be included. Sometimes though, it’s just a timing thing. Sometimes you’re not talking to the right person at the right time. Yet, there are those people who are just so sociable and present and are always included on the email chains. This year, those chains have not included me… I’ve gotta admit, those emails are quite hysterical… but alas…
I know part of this rant stems from insecurity. Everyone likes feeling included. And yet, I don’t feel excluded… I just feel removed. Being removed is kind of lonely. I feel like I’m putting my hands in so many pots that I just can keep track of everyone anymore. I’ve always been that way. At the same time, I am very aware that if I keep too many pots boiling, everything may boil over and I will be left with nothing. Sometimes I just feel like I’m being a pain in the ass to stay involved with people at school, but it feels like that is the only way to actually stay included and in the loop of what is going on.
All in all, I think I just need to enjoy what I’m doing when I’m doing it. I need to not worry about who is doing what when as though I should have the luxury of choice. I would not have changed my plans last night had I known what else was happening, I just wanted to know what was going on.
I really shouldn’t complain at all. I have great friends here, just not a tight-knit circle, but really, when have I ever had that?
