MJ News

As I am sitting in bed resting this Christmas, I am reflecting on how blessed I am.  I have so much in my life, I really have very little to complain about.  Sure, I would like this cold I have to go away.  Having a cold at anytime is not ideal.  Sure, I would like my parents to understand my faith.  Sure, I wish I were surrounded by family and friends on Christmas morning to celebrate the holiday.  But I have people in my life who love me.  I can live comfortably.  There is not a whole lot I lack in my life.  It is so easy to always want more.  All the time.  It is so easy to complain about what is wrong, or what I want more, and, in the process, forgetting that I have so much.  This is my life and it’s a pretty good one.

I attended a candlelight service last night in midtown.  It was and always is a beautiful service.  Afterward, I had a serendipitous evening.  I met a good friend and we went to dinner.  Nothing fancy, although Houston’s is a bit above average in the restaurant category and is consistently one of my favorites.  I say the evening was serendipitous as I was expecting to spend the evening alone.  I almost think it is better to tame expectations to experience those situations that just allow one to feel blessed.

So, as I lie here in bed, I smile knowing I am traveling in a few days with some good friends and acquaintances.  I smile knowing I will be sharing Christmas dinner with strangers and a good friend.  And I smile knowing the end of 2008 brought me back to my faith that I had lost for so long.

Wishing everyone a very Merry Christmas, a very Happy Hanukah, and a Happy New Year with abundant health and happiness in 2009!

Yesterday, I took my 3 year-old niece figure skating.  My brother had asked me if I were interested in participating since he knows I’m a skater.  So we were bundled up and off we went to the rink.  My sister-in-law sat with my other niece who is way too small and young to be skating (she’s only 10 weeks!).  So my brother, niece and I lace up our skates and we’re ready to hit the ice.  My niece immediately gets scared when her blades hit the ice as her balance is tested.  My brother and I try to figure out what is the best way to support her as she figures out what it means to ice skate.  We go a short distance, maybe less than a quarter of the way around the rink, when I see that Anna (my niece) is crying (tearing really) and stating that she can’t do it.  It about broke my heart.  These were not crocodile tears, they were frustrated tears.  And since when does a 3 year old know the word “can’t”?  It really tugged an emotion inside me.  After all, I’ve said that I can’t do something before… usually it comes from a place where I don’t want to try or am just physically incapable of doing something.  This is not the same frame of reference for Anna.  Anna was frustrated.  Here’s a new sport she’s trying… I don’t know how many sports she’s tried… She’s so young and she’s not really a tomboy… But she was just uncomfortable cause it wasn’t inherently obvious how to skate.  Anyway, my brother and I were super supportive.  I kept getting down on the ice to give her a pep-talk.  Telling her that she’s doing great!  I also told her that I didn’t want to hear her say “she can’t do it”, cause it’s new and it takes practice but she can do it… she hadn’t even fallen once, we wouldn’t let her.  We went around once and then we all took a break.  (My brother and I actually needed the break!  Our backs were killing us as we supported Anna around the ice)  My brother and I did a couple of laps on our own and then we went to see if Anna wanted to try again.  She did and we hit the ice again, this time going much faster.  We were still pushing/pulling her… She got frustrated again, at the end, still saying that she “can’t” do it.

When do we learn that?  When?  She seems too young to feel like she “can’t” do something.  Isn’t the world supposed to be full of possibilities?  What are kids learning that they think they cannot do something?  Especially young children!  How can we unteach this?  From now on, I will be very very careful about using the word “can’t”.

my old pastor today… I realized during the course of the conversation how much I’ve matured over the last 6 years.  Things that seemed like a big deal when I was in Nashville just are not anymore.  I think I’ve always respected people’s privacy so much that it impeded conversation.  I would not ask about someone’s family for fear of encroaching on certain privacy lines.  Not anymore… And, that’s a good thing.  I feel like I’m normal now   or at least come to some socially acceptable standard (maybe I’ve just caught up with the rest of the world)

We talked for almost an hour.  Catching up and visitng.  Over the phone, that’s hard… it’s hard to visit over the phone.  In the end, though, I felt like I already knew what I needed.  What’s really funny though is that I was looking to him for guidance on some churches in the NYC area.  But I had also done my homework.  There are two churches I am looking to investigate.  One, he had told me about years and years ago when I almost moved back to NY in 2000.  When I came across the name of the church, it sounded relatively familiar.  Another funny tidbit, I found the facebook group for that church online last night and two of my classmates at Stern are listed as members.  I reached out to one of them and will be attending the 10:30am service with her on Sunday.  Talk about God in action!  The other church sounded interesting and contemporary… very much my speed.  The other church he wanted to tell me about… that second church that had already resonated with me. God really is amazing.  Of course, having the “stamp of approval” from someone I respect within the Christian faith makes the impetus to attend that much stronger.

I am excited about the weeks ahead of me.  Maybe not the final exams I have to take and complete… but about the newfound (again) spiritual journey ahead.  It feels so much stronger this time around.  The strength of that power seems more wholesome too.  I have come back to God on my own.  The weight has been lifted from my shoulders by Him because I turned to Him and prayed.  No one is watching me.  The journey has always been personal… but now it is solo.  I am standing on my own two feet, and while I have friends who support me, those people who know my journey are far away.  No longer is someone watching me on Sunday to see if I am going to accept God into my life this week.  I am no longer going to church to maintain some kind of accountability.  I am going because I am compelled to go.  I believe the journey is supposed to be independent and while it is important to maintain horizontal relationships (as of this world) the most important relationship is the vertical one with God.  We live in a 3 dimensional world but relationships are 2 dimensional with the most critical one being a strict one dimensional path between oneself and God.

God, whatever you have for me, I receive

God, whatever you have for me, I receive

God, whatever you have for me, I receive

God, whatever you have for me, I receive