MJ News

I’m surprised that I am getting a little sentimental about ending business school.  It’s not the same feeling as undergrad… but there is a sweet sadness about moving onto the next stage of life.  I feel like this next leap is going to be so different from all of the other stages that have come before.  There is less inherent passion for what I am doing.  I’m looking forward to having a stable life and to see where my life takes me in the next couple of years.  My biggest fear?  The status quo.  I am nervous that I will live the next few years… day in and day out, with days turning into weeks that turn into months and years with nothing different in routine.

Every segment of my life has been lived with different eyes.  I can say that with absolute certainty as my adult life has been lived in 3 different cities with very different jobs in each place.  These life experiences shaped who I am and how I see the world.  I don’t know if I would feel as fulfilled as I do if even one of those experiences did not exist.

Staying in NYC does this to me.  There is a lack of newness to me.  NYC exudes stability and stagnation.  That’s part of the reason why I longed to move to another city before I got a post-bschool job.  Fortunately, I got a job and a job in real estate no less.  However, I can’t shake the feeling that life may turn into a distinct sameness that I abhor.

Don’t get me wrong, I am looking forward to what the next stage of my life has to offer, but as I work my way into my 30s, I wonder if I have hit all of the turning points in my life already.  I wonder if, as the cliche goes, my best days are behind me.  But while I think about these things, I will refuse to look at these words and feelings and feel depressed.  After all, I have control over the choices I make and I can dictate sameness or uniqueness.  I know how to shake up my life.  The transition may be challenging, but I will grow to welcome the change and settle into a life that is different from my life that has come before and that has forever been changed by the choices I’ve made up to this point.

I don’t like labels.  They bother me.  Whether it’s fashion or music or boyfriends.  Labels are just a tool people use to define things.  Not everything needs to be defined.  People have this inherent desire to put things in boxes.  Okay, you’re carrying a Louis Vuitton handbag?  Guess you are showy or have a lot of money…

I feel the same way with religion.  This weekend I was talking with my mom about faith vs. religion vs. culture.  It’s a conversation we have every so often.  Thankfully it is not too often as the conversation tends to leave me very frustrated.  As much as I am independent, I still hope for my parents understanding and blessing in the life choices I’ve made.  This one conversation always leaves me relatively cold.  I strive for some recognition from my mom that she can relate to my faith.  I never get it.  And yet, in 8 years I still haven’t come to terms with that.

People ask me, what’s your religion… or they say, what do you believe… or what is your background.  All three questions have different answers… I never know how to explain that.  What answer are they looking for?  Do they want to know what I believe?  I believe in God and I believe in Jesus… But my background is Jewish.  Wait… did I just open up a can of worms?  Maybe.  But do I want to delve into a conversation with someone who asked an innocent question?  Labels… I don’t fit into one.  And because I don’t fit into one… I get judged differently.  Or people don’t know where to put me, but they don’t necessarily want to hear the back story and I don’t necessarily want to share.  Maybe if someone said, wow, that’s interesting, I’d love to sit and have a cup of coffee with you and hear about that.  Lately, those questions arise in passing.  Someone asking a very innocent question that should be easy to answer.  For me, it’s not.

Labels… I hate them.  Please don’t place me in a box… I outgrew the box a long time ago and I don’t plan to return anytime soon.

So there are only 6 weeks left until graduation.  I can’t believe I am almost finished getting my MBA.  My problem is… what’s next?  With the economy the way it is, finding a job seems near impossible.  I am trying not to worry about finding a job I like and just look for a job.  But I can’t do that.  It’s not within my personality.  I’ve never experienced a situation like this before.  Whenever I needed a job I have always been able to find one… but I feel like I wasn’t as discerning.  In some regards, I feel like getting my MBA will be for nothing if I can’t find a job that pays me well enough to live where I want to live and pay my bills and loans in a prompt manner.