I’m surprised that I am getting a little sentimental about ending business school. It’s not the same feeling as undergrad… but there is a sweet sadness about moving onto the next stage of life. I feel like this next leap is going to be so different from all of the other stages that have come before. There is less inherent passion for what I am doing. I’m looking forward to having a stable life and to see where my life takes me in the next couple of years. My biggest fear? The status quo. I am nervous that I will live the next few years… day in and day out, with days turning into weeks that turn into months and years with nothing different in routine.
Every segment of my life has been lived with different eyes. I can say that with absolute certainty as my adult life has been lived in 3 different cities with very different jobs in each place. These life experiences shaped who I am and how I see the world. I don’t know if I would feel as fulfilled as I do if even one of those experiences did not exist.
Staying in NYC does this to me. There is a lack of newness to me. NYC exudes stability and stagnation. That’s part of the reason why I longed to move to another city before I got a post-bschool job. Fortunately, I got a job and a job in real estate no less. However, I can’t shake the feeling that life may turn into a distinct sameness that I abhor.
Don’t get me wrong, I am looking forward to what the next stage of my life has to offer, but as I work my way into my 30s, I wonder if I have hit all of the turning points in my life already. I wonder if, as the cliche goes, my best days are behind me. But while I think about these things, I will refuse to look at these words and feelings and feel depressed. After all, I have control over the choices I make and I can dictate sameness or uniqueness. I know how to shake up my life. The transition may be challenging, but I will grow to welcome the change and settle into a life that is different from my life that has come before and that has forever been changed by the choices I’ve made up to this point.
